Recipes

Almost a Key Lime Pie

• 3 eggs
• 1/3 tsp cream of tartar
• a pie crust
• sugar
• 2 cans sweetened condensed milk
• 1/3c lime juice <-- key limes are different from normal limes. I used normal ones because i am a cheapass

First, seperate your eggs! I ended up cracking the egg onto my hand and, holding the yolk, letting the white run between my fingers into the bowl. The yolks will need to be in one bowl and the whites in another bowl. (hint: use larger bowls than you think you need)

Add the cans of sweetened condensed milk to the egg yolks and beat it up. Add the lime juice and continue to beat the hell out of it! Pour this delicious goop into the pie crust.

Preheat your oven to 300 degrees.

Add the cream of tartar to the egg whites and go at them with an electric beater on high (OR be a man and do it with a metal whisk!). Add about a tablespoon of water and beat the absolute hell out of them until they start to get frothy. Add 5 tablespoons of sugar, a little bit at the time and keep beating. When it's starting to get good and frothy, add 1 tsp vanilla and a tiny tiny pinch of salt (1/8tsp). Now, beat them some more!

What you are doing here is making the proteins in the egg white unravel (with the aid of the acidic cream of tartar) and form a tasty foamy matrix. I hear that if you use a copper bowl then you have to beat the egg whites a lot longer to make them foam up but the resulting meringue is a lot more stable. You -CAN- over-beat the meringue but your arm will probably be tired way before that happens.

When the meringue is thick enough to form little peaks, put it on top of the filled pie crust! If you want to make it look pretty use a pastry bag with a pretty tip but you can also just plorp it on with a spoon.

Put the whole pie into the oven for about fifteen minutes, or until the very peaks of the meringue are starting to turn brown!

Let cool on the counter for a while, then for a little bit in the fridge. Serve with a tall glass of milk!

• HISTORICAL NOTES: Ben won the bake-off at the 2006 Annual L-3 Titan Group company picnic with this recipe!

Bragi's Valhallan Warrior Chili

For the uninitiated, Chili can take a variety of forms and flavors, but the key ingredients are Peppers and Beef, which this recipe has in great quantity!

Prerequisites:

• A VERY large pot
• 2lbs Ground Beef
• Two mediumish bell peppers
  • any color(s)! I used an orange one, half of a green one, and half of a red one
• Two mediumish onions
  • also any color! I used a yellow one and a red one
• One or more -hot- peppers
  • any sort! I used three Red Fresnos
  • Jalapeños are fine, and habaneros if you are adventurous!
• A large can of crushed tomatoes (28oz)
• A normal can of petite-diced tomatoes (14.5oz)
• A little can of tomato paste (6oz)
• A large amount of cumin powder (1.5oz)
• A quantity of chile powder (essentially crushed peppers: ~.5oz)
• Two or three cloves of garlic (smashed/minced/whatever!)
• A small amount of oil (2-3tbsp)
• Other spices to taste (dash of worcestershire sauce, black pepper, a bay leaf)

• A heat source
• Water

Chop up your peppers (normal and hot) and onions into tiny bits (food processor go!)

Sautee the onions and garlic over medium heat with a small amount of oil until they start to turn clear

Add the ground beef, turn up the heat, and brown it as well. Drain the grease off when it's brown.

Add peppers (and other spices, if using) and stir everything around for a couple minutes

Add all the tomatoes! Rinse out the cans with some water, and make sure to add at least one tiny-canful of water so the tomato paste thins out.

You'll know there's enough water when it's saucy. It will ideally be thick enough to get on a tortilla chip but thin enough not to break the chips. Put the lid on (or leave it off if you added too much water) and let it cook on a low heat for a long time! (2 hours is cool)

The result is essentially a thick, spicy, meaty tomatoey stew. You're perfectly welcome to just go at it with a spoon (it's delicious!). I prefer to scoop it with tortilla chips, and some people serve it on rice! If it's not hot enough for your tastes, you can add more hot sauce afterwards! It's also really good on hot dogs or anything else

Brown Gravy

get a frying pan (i like using cast-iron ones) and put (or already have in it) meat drippings of some kind. the drippings from normal ground beef will -work- but the drippings from a couple broiled steaks are of course much superior. get them nice and hot (medium-high)

add a quantity of flour. you should be able to mix all the fat and flour into a paste-like consistency. if you added too much flour, make up for it with butter.

carefully mash this roux (yes you've just made a roux!) around with the flat side of a spoon or a spatula or something until the flour starts to parch (it will turn brown. the darker the flour, the darker your gravy). at that point, add a little beef broth (you can make it from boullion but it's not as good) and stir like a madman until it's mixed in good. it will probably all boil off. add a little more and stir. the key here is to add the liquid SLOWLY and mix it in QUICKLY or you'll end up with chunky gravy.

eventually you'll end up with a panful of gravy. congrats! harder than it looks, eh?

(You can work this process with chicken drippings too (IE the stuff in the bottom of a pan from a roast chicken. or turkey. whatever.), but you'd want to parch the flour before ever adding the drippings because they're kinda juicy)

Caramels

Unlike the kind you buy in the store, these caramels are soft and have more depth of flavor.

• 3/2 cups sugar
• 1/4 C corn syrup
• 1 C heavy whipping cream
• 4 tbsp butter
• 1/4 tsp salt (kosher or sea salt is preferable)
• 1/2 tsp vanilla

Special tools: candy thermometer, wooden spoon, wax paper

Combine cream, salt, and butter in a pot over low heat. Cook to melt the butter and incorporate it into the cream, stirring occasionally. Once butter is incorpoated, set aside.

Simultaneously, combine sugar and corn syrup in another pot, preferably double the size of the prior pot. Add enough water (1/8 C should work, precision is irrelevant) to turn this mixture to a thick slurry. Cook sugar slurry on highest heat. The syrup will vigorously boil, then settle, and eventually start to change colors. As soon as either the syrup turns amber or you see faint wisps of smoke, immediately (at arm's length) quench the syrup by dumping the cream onto it. The solution will boil vigorously, so try not to let it boil over the pot. Once the cream is incorporated, reduce heat to medium.

At this point, your syrup will have lumped into a solid on the bottom of your pot. Stir until it dissolves into solution and you have a homogenous, tan-colored liquid. Add vanilla. Attach candy thermometer to pot and bring the candy to 250 degrees Fahrenheit (firm ball), stirring very infrequently so as not to induce premature crystallization. Pour the candy into a greased pan and let set for at least one hour in a cool, dry place. Using an offset spatula, butter knife, or other wide-bladed implement, cut the caramel into squares and wrap individually with wax paper. If you do not wrap them individually, they will adhese to each other.

The flavor for this candy comes from two separate processes: the caramelization of sugar and the Maillard reaction. Heating the sugar slurry to amber color is caramelization - this adds "complexity" to the caramel flavor. Adding the cream initiates the Maillard reaction between sugar and protein molecules, causing a cascade of chemical reactions that results in a brown candy with an excellent flavor.

This caramel is soft, which may not appeal to everyone. To stiffen the candy, either cook it to a slightly higher temperature (254 instead of 250 F, for example) or do not caramelize the sugar to as dark a color. The more caramelized the sugar, the more sucrose molecules break down, which means the weaker the crystal lattice created on setting, meaning a softer candy. One can actually get away with not caramelizing the sugar at all, electing simply to derive flavor from the Maillard process - this will result in a more plainly-flavored caramel resembling storebought.

Chicken and Broccoli

This is stir-fried goodness so make sure you have everything handy before you even start cooking. You will feel like a TV chef but this is ideal. Ingredients are listed in the order that you will use them!

• #Rice
• Cooking oil
• Water
• ~1.25lb boneless chicken (about two breasts)
• Soy sauce
• A small amount of molasses
• OPTIONAL: 1 carrot, chopped
• OPTIONAL: 1 small sweet onion, chopped
• OPTIONAL: A small can of sliced water chestnuts or bamboo shoots
• ~1lb broccoli, chopped into florets -- Peel and slice the stems, they're good in here too.
• 2tbsp cornstarch dissolved in 1c water (If you want to be fancy, mix the cornstarch into chicken stock)
• Black pepper to taste

• A very large frying pan (a wok is ideal)
• A tenderizing hammer or the flat side of a cleaver
• A sturdy spatula

Slice your chicken into chopstickable pieces. Take each one and whack it good with your hammer or smash it under the cleaver. Put them in a mixture of a couple tablespoons of soysauce and one tablespoon molasses (or a good sprinkle of brown sugar). Marinate until you remember what you were doing before you got distracted (hint: cooking chicken & broccoli)

Start the rice. 1 1/2 cups dry rice (+ 3 cups water) is probably enough to go with this meal but of course leftovers are nice.

Add several tablespoons of oil to your frying pan and heat it until it just starts to smoke (burner probably all the way on high). Dump the chicken in and cook it. Be attentive! Ideally the pieces will just barely golden-brown before you move them around but you don't want to scorch them. Remove the chicken (and juices!) from the pan and set them aside.

Heat another tablespoon or so of oil in your pan. (If using onions/carrots, fry them first, until the onions are cooked!) Add the broccoli and a several ounces of water. You should get a lot of steam. Turn the burner down to medium, mix it all up, and cover it for just a couple minutes until the broccoli is steamed to a lovely bright green.

Add the chicken back in, along with its juices. (If using, add the bamboo shoots or water chestnuts here.) Add the cornstarch-water, a quantity of soy sauce, and maybe some black pepper. Bring to a boil so that the sauce darkens and the cornstarch thickens it up. If you want less sauce, add less water. If you want more sauce, add more water (and a tiny bit more cornstarch).

Serve with freshly-steamed rice!

Chicken Mountain

• ~1lb boneless chicken
• Milk and an egg
• Italian breadcrumbs
• An onion
• Half a stick of butter
• A reasonably large frying pan and a spatula
• Egg noodles
• Mushrooms, garlic (optional)
• Salt and pepper to taste!

Pour a quantity of milk (a cup or two) into a bowl and beat an egg into it

Chop up the chicken into bite-size pieces and put soak it in the milk-egg mixture for.. oh, half an hour

Melt the butter in the frying pan and get it hot (medium-high-ish)

Chop up the onion (and mushrooms, if using. also press the garlic) and fry it in the butter!

Coat the moistened chicken chunks with the breadcrumbs and add them to the delicious buttery onions already in the pan

Reduce heat to medium and let the chicken cook, moving it around occasionally so it gets cooked on all its sides

While the chicken is cooking, do the egg noodles

When the chicken is done in the middles (no longer pink) dump it on the egg noodles and eat it!

serve with green beans and a tall glass of milk!

Fudge

• 4 cups sugar
• 5 oz unsweetened baking chocolate
• 4.5 oz light corn syrup
• 6 oz whole milk
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 3 tbsp unsalted butter

Special tools: wooden spoon, candy thermometer

Get a large pot. In this pot, combine the sugar, chocolate, corn syrup, and milk. You want to have a slurry with blocks of chocolate floating in it. Your pot should be large enough to accomodate quadruple the volume of this slurry, as it will rise drastically upon boiling. Apply medium to high heat, stirring occasionally, to melt the chocolate. Continue applying heat until the slurry comes to a boil. Attach the candy thermometer and drop the heat to medium to medium-low. The candy must be brought to 238 degrees Fahrenheit, +/- 1 degree. Lower the heat as you approach the target temperature to reduce the risk of overshooting. To avoid inaccurate temperature readings, be sure that your eyes are level with the thermometer when taking a reading. Stir continuously to ensure heat is evenly distributed. Scrape down the sides of the pot periodically to prevent buildup of sugar crystals. Once you hit the target temperature, remove the pot from the heat and remove the spoon but not the thermometer. Wash the spoon.

The candy will rest 10 to 40 minutes as the temperature in the pot drops to 185 degrees Fahrenheit. While you are waiting for the candy to reach the target temperature, chop the butter into small pieces and bring it to room temperature. Get a 9x13" pan and thoroughly grease it (don't use the butter you just chopped). Make sure your wooden spoon is clean - i.e., make sure there are no sugar crystals or residual chocolate on it.

Once the candy reaches 185 degrees, remove the thermometer, dump in the butter and vanilla, and begin stirring briskly. You must never stop stirring. Expect to stir anywhere from 3 to 15 minutes, and, if necessary, switch your arms or ask a friend to help. Watch the surface of the candy diligently, and as soon as it reaches a matte texture, immediately pour it out into the 9x13" pan. Do not scrape down the sides of the pot. Move the pan to a cool, dry place and let the fudge set for at least two hours but not more than a day.

Invert the pan over wax paper, and the fudge should fall out. Use a pizza cutter or sharp knife to first score, and then cut, the fudge into chunks of desired size. If you want to keep your fudge soft, seal it away from air and freeze for long-term storage. If you want firmer fudge, such as if you are shipping it, let the chunks dry out for several days in a cool, dry place.

Good luck!

Meatloafballs

• 1/3-1/2 of a bell pepper (chopped tiny; food processor!)
• 1/2 a medium yellow onion (also chopped tiny)
• 1lb ground beef
• 1 egg
• black pepper, a clove of garlic (pressed/crushed), a shot of worcestershire sauce
• about 2/3c breadcrumbs
• a frying pan and a spatula

Combine the first 5 ingredients in a large bowl!

Add -most- of the breadcrumbs and mix everything together by hand (this is a little messy). What you're looking for is a mixture of meat and crumbs and egg and everything else that is squishy enough to form into cohesive balls, but not so squishy that the balls turn into blobs. Too squishy = more breadcrumbs!

Take small portions of this big bowl of savory uncooked meat and form it into balls about 1 inch in diameter (or patties! see variations, below) Put them.. somewhere!

Wash your hands

Take your frying pan, and put just enough oil in it to grease the bottom (about 1tbsp; this meat mixture is not as fatty as ordinary hamburgers, and can maybe use a little assistance. if you're using a nonstick pan or really cheap [ie fatty] beef you can probably do without the oil)

Heat the frying pan up to medium-high heat (everything cooks at medium-high!) and place the balls in it! They will sizzle happily.

Move the balls around occasionally so that they cook evenly on their various sides (they might become a little angular and not stay perfectly round; this is fine!)

When the balls are browned on the outside and not pink on the inside (you can cut one open to check), take them out and place them on a paper towel

Serve with freshly-fried french fries and a dill pickle!

VARIATIONS: You can change this recipe into one for Meatloafburgers with a simple change! Instead of forming balls, form patties. Pan-fry as you would any other burger and serve them on a toasted bun.

OR, serve the meatballs on top of a pile of egg noodles and smother them with gravy! (garnish with parsley) You'd have to prepare the gravy in advance, since these meatballs don't create a whole lot of drippings.

Meringue Cookies

Low calorie, airy things that crunch in a satisfying manner.

• 3 eggs whites
• 3/4 cups sugar
• 1/4 tsp cream of tartar
• 1/4 tsp almond extract

Special tools: hand mixer

Preheat oven to 225 degrees. Take egg whites to room temperature. Remove chalaza (white ropy things) and other impurities, if necessary. Beat eggs briefly until foam forms. Add cream of tartar and flavoring. Beat to stiff peaks. 1/4 C at a time, incorporate sugar. Beat until thoroughly incorporated. Using two spoons, transfer meringue to baking sheet lined with parchment paper in mounds of desired shape and size. If you do not have parchment paper, wax paper should also work. Bake the meringues for two hours or until a toothpick inserted into a meringue comes out clean. Store in a dry environment.

A meringue is mostly composed of the air that is beaten into it. This allows for a surprising volume of food to be prepared from minimal ingredients. The cream of tartar increases the acidity of the meringue, which, due to properties of egg protein, stabilizies the egg-air matrix. The egg whites must be at room temperature for similar reasons: the whites will not be able to support the air, otherwise.

Egg yolks can be frozen for future use.

Interestingly, air pockets will sometimes form inside meringues. This is a consequence of too much heat causing the outside to cook faster than the inside. It is generally undesirable.

Some Kinda Pork Chops (good)

• 1lb to 1.5lb Pork chops
• A mediumish yellow onion
• A small can of diced tomatoes OR a diced tomato(Optional)
• 1/4c Flour
• 1tbsp each Garlic powder & Black pepper (1/4c flour, 1tbsp garlic/pepper)
• #Rice
• Soysauce, Water, A little bit of oil (any sort)

Mix flour, garlic powder, pepper, and put it somewhere

Get pork chops (with bones or without)

Put a couple tablespoons of oil in a frying pan and heat it up (to medium-high)

Coat pork chops in flour (put flour on plate, put porkchops on flour. flip around!)

Put porkchops in a cold oily pan, turn on the heat to about medium, and flip them occasionally until they are cooked through

Add about 1/3 cup of water and several generous splashes of soysauce to the pan, and then dumped chopped onion (and tomato, if using) all over the top of it. cover and simmer for around half an hour on low heat. Flip them over at some point.

Dump on rice, eat!

Steamed Cabbage

This is a tasty and cheap cheap CHEAP side dish (cabbages are, like, a buck per head most places)

• A quantity of cabbage
• A small amount of finely-chopped onion (1/3c)
• Cooking oil
• Salt, pepper, and sugar
• Water
• A large frying pan

Get a big heavy knife or a cleaver and shred your cabbage into thin strips! Just cut slices off the side of the head and then chop them a little more crossways. Rinse this pile off, sprinkle it with salt, and let it sit aside for a bit in a bowl or wherever. You'll want about a big double handful of shredded cabbage.

Put a quantity of oil into your frying pan and get it up to a little hotter than medium heat. (PROTIP: For extra deliciousness, fry several strips of bacon in the pan first, and then use the bacon grease instead of normal oil! also you get bacon!)

Sautee the onion bits until they start to get cooked, then add all the cabbage, just a pinch of sugar, and black pepper. Mix it all up and fry it for about a minute or two. Then add just a tablespoon or two of water and put a lid on your pan (or just some foil over top).

Wait. After a few minutes, eat it! It's good!

Serve with whole-wheat bread, sausages, and dark beer!

Worms and Dirt

• A pot AND a pan
• Lipton's Beefy Onion soup mix
• 1lb ground beef
• Egg noodles
• Onion, water, some cornstarch (or ordinary flour)
• Worcestershire sauce, garlic powder (optional)

Brown beef with chopped-up onions in frying pan (medium-high heat; just keep stirring it around until it's not pink anymore and the onions are starting to turn clear) and drain (the careful application of spatula to side of slightly-tilted frying pan over a small container [or your sink if you don't care about the sewer system/your septic tank] works fantastically. don't worry if you don't get it all, just get -most- of the grease out) Add worcestershire sauce and garlic powder if you're using it.

Add about half a packet of the beefy onion soup mix stuff and then about 2/3 cup (maybe more? maybe less? your discretion!) of water with about a spoon of cornstarch mixed in (cold water or it wont dissolve. 2 spoons if you're using normal flour)

mix it all up and let it simmer while you cook the egg noodles (you should be able to handle egg noodles on your own!)

dump meaty onioney flavorful sauce all over noodles and enjoy (garnish with a sprig of parsley and serve with crusty bread if you want to look fancy)

Engineer Rush

• eggs
• milk
• salt pepper to taste
• cooked bacon (best when cooked in the oven and not overly crisp)
• One or two bacon slices uncooked
• some sort of cheese (your choice)

Optional:

• diced onions
• diced tomatoes
• sliced mushrooms

In a large frying pan or skillet cook uncooked bacon. Save the bacon drippings.

In the bacon drippings or cooking oil, sauté the onions, mushrooms and tomatoes. In a medium bowl scramble the eggs, add a little milk (makes fluffy eggs) salt and pepper. Tear or chop bacon into bite size pieces and add them to the frying pan. Pour in eggs, add cheese, then scramble!

Serve with pancakes or waffles for a wonderful breakfast (or fun dinner)

Fried Rabite and Hush Puppies

• Boneless Skinless chicken breast or tenderloins
• Hushpuppy mix (found with flour) or corn meal
• Flour
• Salt
• Pepper
• Chili powder (optional)
• Cooking oil
• Milk
• Egg

Mix the milk, egg(s), salt and pepper in a medium bowl. Let the chicken sit in the bowl for a few minutes. Mix ¼ cup hushpuppy mix, ¼ cup flower, 1/8 cup chili powder salt and pepper in container with a lid or Ziploc baggie. Heat the cooking oil in frying pan (about ½ in depth). Place the chicken pieces, usually just a few at a time into the container and shake until the chicken is thoroughly coated in the mix. Place the chicken into the oil (make sure oil is hot, test by placing a pinch of flour into the oil, if it sizzles or bubbles, the oil is ready). Cook about 3-4 minutes on each side, but no longer pink in the center.

While this is cooking, follow packaging directions on the hushpuppy mix (be sure to let the mix sit for at least 5 minutes).

Serve! A very southern home meal when cooked with mash potatoes (not from a box, the real deal!), sweet peas, and corn on the cob.

Crimbo Cookies

• 3c Flour
• 1 1/2tsp ground ginger
• 1 1/2tsp ground cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp ground cloves
• 3/4 tsp baking soda

• 1/2c white sugar
• 1 stick margarine (room temperature)
• 1 large egg (also room temperature)
• 2/3c Molasses (if this is not room temperature you will not be able to get it into the measuring cup so lol @ u)

• Two bowls
• Mixing equipment (EG your arms and a big fork)
• A cookie sheet
• An oven and a timer

Whisk together the first five ingredients (all the dry stuff except the sugar) in a bowl. You can vary the spice ratio or use different spices altogether if you see fit!

Cream together the sugar and margarine in a different bowl (mix 'em up real good). Then add the molasses and the egg and mix those in. Gradually incorporate the flour mixture until you get a nice sticky, brown, homogenous dough.

Divide the dough into two or three parts, wrap it in plastic wrap and leave it in the fridge for a few hours. This firms the dough up enough to make it workable. Dividing it up ensures that you can finish rolling it out before it warms back up all the way!

Later, preheat your oven and apply cookie-shaped dough wads to a cookie sheet. You could flour up a surface and roll the dough out and cut it into decorative shapes, or you could just roll out balls and smoosh them on the pan such that they flatten out.

Bake for 8-12 minutes at 350 degrees. Let them cool on the pan for a few minutes before pulling them off and devouring them (or mailing them to your friends!).

Wutai's Oriental Beef

Keep in mind this recipe is for 4 people, but who's gonna complain if there is leftovers?

• 1 teaspoon sesame seeds
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce
• 1 tablespoon cornstarch
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 pound Beef Round Steak/ Top Round Steak, cut into thin strips,

• 3/4 cup water
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce
• 2 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch
• 1/2 teaspoon white sugar
• 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil, divided
• 2 carrots, thinly sliced
• 1 bunch green onions, cut into 2 inch pieces
• 1 cup of frozen Snow Peas/Snap Peas
• Make enough white rice for 4 people, following the instructions on the box of rice.

In a dry skillet over medium heat, toast sesame seeds for 1 to 2 minutes, or until the seeds begin to turn golden brown; set aside.

In a medium bowl, mix together 1 tablespoon soy sauce, 1 tablespoon cornstarch, and minced garlic. After mixing this together then put your steak strips in to marinade. Let stand for at least 10 minutes.

In a separate small bowl, mix together water, 2 tablespoons soy sauce, 2 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch, sugar, the toasted sesame seeds, and red pepper flakes; set aside.

It is best to start making your white rice now, and be sure to make enough for 4 people. Following the directions found on your rice package, or your box.

Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in a wok or large skillet over High heat. Cook and stir beef in hot oil for 3 minutes, or until cooked, depending on how thin you slice the steak normally 1/4 of an inch thick ; remove and place in a bowl.

Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in the same pan as you just used for the steak. At a Medium High to High saute carrots, white part of green onions and snow peas/snap peas for 2 minutes. Stir in green parts of the green onion, and saute for 1 minute. Now stir in sesame seed mixture ,you set aside earlier, and add your steak strips. Stir and cook this until sauce boils and thickens.

Lastly place your cooked white rice on your plates, and put your Wutai's Oriental Beef on top of the rice. You're all finished... I hope you enjoy this Recipe -Dagas

Spicy Chocolate Agar

This recipe requires some specialty ingredients, but if you like "Mayan"-style chocolate, you're likely to enjoy this. Various hot sauces can be substituted for the PureCap, but PureCap provides a desirable "clean" and hot sensation. Guar gum and agar can be purchased through molecular gastronomy suppliers such as www.lepicerie.com.

• 20 g sugar
• 1 g guar gum
• 4 tbsp cocoa powder
• 4 drops PureCap (1% capsaicin)
• 200 mL water

• 4 g agar
• 200 mL water

To an immersion blender, combine sugar, guar, and cocoa powder. Add 200 mL water. Pulse immersion blender until mixture is thoroughly combined and thickened. With spoon, stir in PureCap, being careful to not spill any on yourself. Set aside.

Combine agar and 200 mL water in measuring cup. Heat in microwave 1 minute, stir, and repeat as necessary until water comes to a sustained boil. It is important to punctuate heating with stirring to avoid superheated water from violently boiling out of the measuring cup.

Pour the guar solution into the still-hot agar solution, stirring to combine. Pour into desired molds such as ice cube trays or baking pan. Let cool to solidify.

Magical Flying Salmon Cakes

• 14.75oz can of salmon
• 1/2c panko breadcrumbs (regular breadcrumbs work fine too)
• one chicken egg
• herbs and spices (see below)
• plenty of oil
• frying pan
• canned fish doesn't usually need any additional salt

Open the can of salmon and drain it. Dump the fish into a large-ish bowl and mash it up a bit with a fork. The skin and bones will be very soft and easy to mash up, but can be picked out if you are squeamish.

Mix in the egg, then mix in the breadcrumbs and seasonings. Use your hands to form the mixture into about six to eight patties.

Heat up some oil in a frying pan to medium heat. Shallow-fry the cakes in two or three batches, for a few minutes on either side until golden brown. Place on a paper towel to drain off excess oil.

• Truce flavor: Tarragon, lemon zest, and capers
• Viorar flavor: Chopped green onion, thyme, and cayenne
• Rogueport flavor: Parsley, dill, and ground black pepper
• Lasacul flavor: Swap the salmon for a 15oz can of chub mackerel, then use finely minced white onion and a tiny pinch of nutmeg
• Caspia flavor: Fresh cilantro/coriander, lime, and finely minced bell pepper
• Gold City flavor: Smoked paprika, garlic, and plenty of turmeric; Garnish with gold leaf

Luigi's Cucco Spaghetti

in development!